so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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