Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
