Umm I'm too high to move.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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