Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
