Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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