Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
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She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
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After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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