the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
