New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
