i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
