You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
