I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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