K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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