i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
