Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
