Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
