You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
