We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
