Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
