I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
