my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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