I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
