Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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