I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
