you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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