My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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