the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize