I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
