Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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