he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
