friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
