what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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