it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
