I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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