We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
