i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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