P.S. I can't hear my feet
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
