Apparently you make a good broom.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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