Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
