I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
