I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
