3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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