I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
and she was petting her beer can
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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