i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
