I CAN MOONWALK!
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
