He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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