Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
