You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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