I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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