y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
