Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
