Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
