the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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