is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
