Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You don't make any sense
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