i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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