His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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