From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
