I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
