I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
