you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Life is so much better after having sex.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
