your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
