Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
