A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize