I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We talked him into tasing himself.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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