just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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