so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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