How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
