There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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