508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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