Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
