How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
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