we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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