I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
