I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize