I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Please, let me fuck your mom
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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