the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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