I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
