I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
