i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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