I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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