Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
