tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
