Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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